Updated: Oct 18, 2021
We often here the saying, "I've got your back" shared with close friends and family or colleauges, but I have noticed and overarching theme of so many, women especially, having difficulty consistently having our OWN back. Prioritizing our wellness, spiritual relationship, and whole human health is a foundational part of self care and mental health. Having your own back in a critical part of that practice!
So why has it become such a challenge for us to find balance in supporting and loving others and supporting and loving ourselves fully? We could stay on this question for days I'm sure but, some of the key factors I believe entail time management, priority placement, and honoring the excellence in minimalism. We live in a culture that echoes more is better! But what if it isn't, I'm sure most of us don't consider chaos better than peace, so let's begin to dig into the characteristics that will support us in curating a more peaceful experience and ecosystem of self care, wellness, and having our own back!
A few simple ways to have your own back include:
1. Keeping your word to yourself!
I love the book "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz with Janet Mills, it literally simplified my life in a day! (Yes I read it cover to cover in a few hours because it was so good!) but in this book he takes some extremely foundational concepts of living and makes them super digestible. One that was most important for me was keeping my word to ME! We get so focused and famished on keeping our word to others, which is fine, but what about the word we gave ourselves. We cannot continue to be the sacrificial lamb because there is no more time left in the day. One practice that supported me in this was to write one thing a day that I need or want to do for myself, and complete it before noon. When we prioritize ourself at the beginning of the day, we are way more likely to complete the activity or task and over time, this builds our trust with ourselves and the relationship! When we can trust ourselves to do the small things we begin to trust ourselves more with stepping out of our comfort zone and doing the somewhat scary or big things, like those goals we have in our head that we secretly yearn to accomplish but have mental limitations and fears. So take it one day, one small act at a time and just begin to focus on building the blocks of trust and courage within yourself!
2. Celebrating yourself in mindful ways
This part applies to me heavily! I am one who can get into the hard work and no play and not celebrate the small wins and instead focus on the the never ending list of things to do. This is not supportive of our wellness friends! We must celebrate the small wins and we must also surround ourselves with people who celebrate them with us, if they don't we may need just a bit of space in the relationship. Celebrating doesn't have to break the budget. It can be something as small as journaling about how proud of yourself you are for taking a new step into your wellness or business adventure. It can also include getting yourself flowers, nails and hair done, or watching the sunset go down and offering a celebratory toast to yourself. Just like you love to celebrate the beautiful people around you, celebrate the one who you are with all the time! YOU! You deserve it love, and your future self and inner child will thank you for it!
3. Setting aligned and uncomfortable goals
We already know that we don't grow in our comfort zones, it doesn't give us much to look back on in our legacy and journey as we grow. So goal setting is a must! As humans we have an innate mindset to look for problems and find ways to solve them or elevate our current state of experience, which is why we have FaceTime and Teslas, we wanted to elevate the current status quo. This progress of evolution will continue, and You, yes you, are an important part of it through the goals you set. Your passions and gifts are there for you to support the universal elevation. Your awareness and creativity to develop new solutions, experiences, or products is a compass to your evolution and that of the planet. So take a moment and think about what makes you excited, what do you love.
Create one goal that you know is accessible within the next 6 month and make small bite sizes steps that you can accomplish each month in order to accomplish it. To really stretch yourself, just a little, think about a goal or accomplishment you desire in the next 5 years. Reflect on the excitement and the scary parts of that goal. Then break it down into smaller goals that you can spread out over then next year or two and use it as an experiment, remove the pressure and offer yourself the experience of "what would happen if I followed these steps and created this experience for myself?"
4. Filtering relationships that aren't healthy
So we all have seen the beautiful apple, orange or any fruit for that manner that is perfect and ripe with no blemish, but once you set it next to a fruit that is rotting, it begins to rot also. The same principles apply to our energies. When we surround ourselves with rotting and toxic energies it affects us, it may affect us mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, but it affects us. Take a look at your 5 closest relationships and review what each one feels like energetically. Maybe assign a word or emotion that they bring to the relationship and then assess how this is elevating your state of being or slowly deconstructing it. We can still love people who aren't the best for us, but we may just need to love them from afar. I love that in business there are great practices for giving diffilcut or uncomfortable feedback conversations. This can also be applied in personal relationships. Ask the person if they have some time to discuss the dynamics of your relationship and schedule a time to talk. Share that you have been evaluating yourself and the relationships that surround you and noticed that there a few things that you want to modify or change in the dynamic of the relationship, explain what they are, their significance, and impact. Offer a suggestion of how this can be rememedied or if they have any ideas or suggestions and have any closing comments. Sharing this in love, respect, and honesty support your individual and collective wellness and if the relationship is meant to be, collaborative measures will be made to upgrade it.
This can be a lot to take in one day or month for that matter so we suggest you focus on on activity bi-weekly or once a month. Beginning with yourself first is a great place to start with as it sets the foundation that everything else will rest upon as you journey deeper in love, and having your own back.
Let us know how your journey goes and how you are supporting your inner wellness through having your own back!
Sending so much love, light, and joy!
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